Why rest matters and how joy is part of the equation!
As I come home at the end of a long day of teaching and stumble into the couch exhausted, my husband looks at me and says: “When are you going to learn that you are not supposed to give a 100% all of the time?!”. I frown but I don’t say a word, because the truth is that my brain feels fried and I don’t have a witty comeback so I might as well keep my mouth shut. I stay glued to the couch when he goes upstairs after a while to watch football. First with my phone, then with a book. I find it hard to concentrate and decide to put my book on the coffee table and turn off my phone. For a full 20 minutes I stare out in front of me in silence, too wired to sleep and too tired to do anything meaningful.
A soothing sound…
But there’s a soothing sound to my ears that brings a smile to my face, it’s Emma’s snoring sound right at my feet. I decide to shift my position and turn my head towards her soft face. We snuggle and I stroke her beautiful ears and neck and I nearly fall asleep when I hear the echo of my husband’s words: “When are you going to learn that you are not supposed to give a 100% all of the time?!”. And I whisper to Emma: “He might be right!”.
Seasonal exhaustion
I haven’t been able to give a 100% at anything lately, not because I don’t want to but because I’ve felt too tired and depleted these past few months. Though I love to live in a part of the world where there are seasons, I can’t help but feel utterly miserable throughout the Winter months. Not necessarily because of the cold but because of the darkness, literally the lack of light. Even when taking extra supplements and sitting in front of my therapy lamp in the mornings, there is a fatigue I can’t seem to shake off. A seasonal exhaustion that isn’t just physical, but also mental and emotional. And I know it’s already May but we’ve had very little Spring weather this year. It is slowly starting to shift these next few days.
A mismatch between what our bodies and brains are able to do and what we expect of them!
But maybe we aren’t supposed to shake it off in the first place, we are a part of nature after all and nature does not give a 100% all year round, nature is cyclical and so are human beings. We were all born in existing societies which had established its own rules and expectations long before we were even born. We also seem to forget that our obsession with productivity is something relatively recent. In fact, it all started with the industrial revolution when most people moved out of the countryside.
Before people moved to the cities to work in factories, they lived a life more in tune with nature. Once they moved to the cities, they started to work long hours in factories all year round. There is a clear mismatch between what our bodies and brains are able to do and what we expect of them. There’s healing to be found in this realization and if we take a minute to slow down and really listen to our bodies, we can clearly feel this mismatch deep in our bones.
Deep work and deep rest
There’s a time for deep work and productivity and then there’s a time for deep rest and stillness. We see this everywhere in nature and in our gardens. Nothing grows continuously throughout the seasons, even plants that might look green throughout the year, do not grow in Winter. There’s no light, no energy to spare. Winter is a time to go inward and for deep rest. However, rest is not just for the Winter months, nor is it something we ‘indulge in’ after we burned ourselves into the ground.
Rest is a biological need, we share with many different species. The sad truth is that we have learned early on how to push down these needs and pretend they aren’t there in the first place. Until of course, our body nudges us into awareness and we are no longer able to push anything down.
So why is it a bad idea to constantly give a 100% ?
Because it is not sustainable! Sure, we’ll be able to pull it off every once in a while and it might even be a requirement at times. However, if we attempt to do this continuously, it will eventually end up in burn out. I know these things, I’ve read extensively about it and done my own personal work around this and yet I seem to forget it so easily. I become hypnotized by the environment. To be honest, I don’t always see it happening, it often happens with such subtlety that I’m not even aware of it. Until I get blindsided by the numbing exhaustion, irritability and even sadness. That, surely jolts me back into awareness, often in an overwhelming manner.
Finding balance
We can have such enthusiasm, excitement and ambition for our work that we think we can handle it all and overlook our need for rest and restorative moments. We forget about balance so easily. If we want to continue to do great work in the long run, then we need to take good care of ourselves first.
Rest first, then work.
A vacuum with an empty battery cannot clean the house. It needs to have a full battery first and after it cleaned the house, it needs to recharge again. We never question the vacuum’s worth for not working the other way around, so why do we question ourselves?
We, who are living and breathing organisms, not machines!
Joy as part of our rest and recharge routine
There is a lot to be written about this topic but for this blogpost I want to focus on joy and how this can become part of our rest and restore routine. We can sleep 8 hours a night, eat well and meditate every day and still feel tired or feel like we lack vital life force. What I would like to suggest is for you to find joy in your everyday life. Practice your mind to notice it all around you and find ways to actively incorporate it into your everyday life. Incorporating micro moments of joy into your everyday life, is a way of giving to yourself first. You fill up your own cup before you attempt to fill everyone else’s.
How to invite joy into your everyday life
If you have no idea what might bring you joy then I would like to invite you to grab your journal or notebook and write down the following question:
What brings me joy?
Write down anything that comes to mind without judgement and try to be as specific as possible. For instance:
° Dancing my heart out in the comfort of my own living room to an old Prince song.
° Buy myself colorful and friendly looking flowers from the supermarket.
° Collect sea shells on the beach.
° Paint my nails in bright pink.
° Take myself on a solo date.
° Nourishing my skin with luxurious products.
° Take a bath with energizing peppermint oil.
° Get a massage.
Are these some of the things I have on my joy list?! They most certainly are! And I update and edit as I go and get to know myself better. Whenever I feel like my battery is running low and I have been giving all of my energy away, I check my list and I redirect my focus. I know that to many, this might seem like an indulgence but it’s not, because think about it… Would you rather give to others and create meaningful work from a full or empty heart? A brain that is depleted and a heart that has overextended itself will not be able to give and create wholeheartedly. Depletion should not be worn like a badge of honor because it’s not. What it does is induce resentment and we won’t even see it coming.
What do you say?
Shall we give it a try?
Maybe you could add some of your favorite, everyday joyful moments, in the comments? That way we can inspire each other!
Love,
Wendy
