The power of acceptance in our daily lives and relationships
Before I decided to sit down at my desk and start writing, I had a clear picture of what it was I wanted to write about. Practically an entire paragraph mapped out of why the word ‘acceptance’ has been lingering in my mind for weeks, if not months. And now here I am, sitting behind my computer and I feel agitated and a sense of unease. There’s nothing. My mind goes blank, my lizard brain takes over.
I just inhaled a bag of m&m’s and I am finding 158 reasons to get up and do anything but write. I get myself something else to drink even though I have a full glass of water on my desk. Then I decide I need my blue light glasses, I contemplate whether or not I should water the plants but I stop myself just in time and I get back to writing.
Why discomfort isn’t always a bad thing
Why does this writing process feels so agonizing at times? I love writing, it’s how I process the world around me, it’s how I metabolize what I feel and think. It is how I answer my own never ending loop of questions. And yet, my self-sabotaging tendencies take over from time to time as I try to actively distract myself. Fighting the moment, trying to escape it. I once read that it’s because the brain tries to avoid discomfort at all times. That avoidance might seem to have its benefits in the short run but it will create more discomfort in the long run.
Say you want to become the healthiest and fittest version of yourself by June. It will feel uncomfortable to get dressed and jump on the treadmill but it will feel even more uncomfortable when you reach June feeling sluggish and anything but fit because you avoided the temporary discomfort of getting on the treadmill in the first place.
Acceptance is a consequence of awareness
This is where acceptance comes in. Trying to deny certain parts, tendencies and truths about ourselves will not make us feel more empowered. On the contrary, it will make us feel frustrated and ashamed anytime these parts rise to the surface. Shame and guilt are very toxic emotions and are often hidden underneath layers upon layers of conditioning and past narratives. I’ve learned that suppression doesn’t work, it only makes things worse as it starts to fester. Acceptance, however, can be deeply uncomfortable at times but it is the gateway to change. I know this sounds counterintuitive as we often confuse acceptance with complacency, as if we’ve given up and relinquished the need for growth. But you need to be able to see and recognize the truth in front of you before you can do anything about it. Acceptance is a consequence of awareness.
Accept the moment, don’t fight the moment
How often do we spend fighting the moments we’re in?! Trying to push it away and run away from it as fast as we can without even as much as looking it straight in the ‘eyes’. And if you know that life is an accumulation of small moments, how much of it do we push away? How much of our lives do we spend pushing it away because it gets too uncomfortable?
A lot.
Isn’t that tragic?!
Does it mean we have to become passive about our lives and simply become submissive to all of it?! No, it does not. But in order to move through it and create a life filled with moments we want to be fully in, we need to become aware and accept all of it. The good, the bad and everything in between. The uninvited situations, moments and emotions will come, regardless of what we want them to be.
Relationships and acceptance
Here’s what has become crystal clear to me these past few months. We have a strong reaction and tend to aggressively reject the parts in others that we most recognize in ourselves. I know! Read that again. If your partner’s impatience is bothering you, it’s because you have the same impatience in you. If you need them to be happy all the time and you can’t tolerate their sadness or moodiness, it’s because you can’t tolerate and accept those things in you either. It’s the not accepting and the resistance to it that becomes a massive energy leak.
Let people feel what they feel without having the need to change it. Allow yourself to feel what you feel instead of suppressing it. Remember, awareness is needed in order to get to acceptance. Become aware of what it is that you feel, give it space to be there and feel into it. Don’t get me wrong, this does not mean that you wallow in your moodiness or impatience, or whatever it is that comes up for you in that moment. It simply means that you don’t try to pretend it isn’t there. The act of acceptance is what enables the release of it.
Love,
Wendy
