What does it mean to have the courage to stay in your own lane?
The allure of others
Just think about how much time, energy and effort we expend by focusing on other people’s lives. Time, energy and effort we then lack for ourselves and the lives we wish to build for ourselves. It often manifests as comparison to others which then tends to cripple us. Because we focus on what we can perceive and fail to understand that there’s a behind the scenes to everyone’s life. But there always is you know, a behind the scenes. What we see on Instagram, Pinterest or when we cross someone on the street, are often polished versions of someone’s life. This doesn’t mean that people malevolently try to manipulate others by hiding certain parts of themselves. Sometimes the person we try to hide from the most, is ourselves.
That’s why this is something we tend to do collectively, focusing on others instead of on ourselves, because it’s far easier to deal with other people’s lives than it is to face our own. A lot of us are petrified of facing certain truths about ourself. We sedate and keep our minds busy with other people’s drama. We rush through our days ticking off to-do lists because standing still is terrifying to many of us.
The power of stillness
For one, we’ve never been taught to stand still and zoom out because we grew up in societies that have glorified the ‘let’s push through anything and everything there is to push through’ mentality. Regardless of it’s impact on our physical, emotional and psychological health. It seems to be something very innately human, this dominance of our own bodies, of each other, of nature… And I get it, in a way. This has always been our attempt as a species, to create safety for ourselves. But is this truly safety? Or are these simply beautifully crafted confines?
The paradox
Because that’s the paradox, we push through, we push down, we create frameworks of dominance to ‘overcome’ limitations and creating safety. This somehow, makes us believe we are in control and in charge but it creates a massive disconnect because we negate our essence, our true nature, our humanity. Look at what we’ve done to our planet attempting to create the illusion of safety, of control. Pushing it so far that we brought it to the brink of collapse. The same with us humans, we’ve become so ill at ease in our own bodies and minds. Is that safety?
A gentle noticing
We fear stillness because it echoes the truth. A truth we are not willing to accept about ourselves. We would much rather push down our wants, needs and desires than to actually integrate them into our lives. The irony is, that this is actually what has the potential to give us some true sense of control, not over others and no,pushing down of anything. Rather, it becomes a gentle noticing that then brings us into a heightened awareness.
There’s no judgement, no pushing down, simply allowing what comes up and then using it as bits of information and ingredients to shape the life you truly want to live. One that YOU want to live, not one that you thought you had to live, not one that gets you approval from others. A truly nurturing life that sustains a healthy mind and nervous system and no longer one you wish to escape from through sedation.
Mathematical probability
Because this is life and the mathematical probability of us even being alive, is practically non-existent. So shouldn’t we celebrate this fact by being completely and utterly in it? Shouldn’t we take full responsibility of our own lives? I know, we have loved ones, people we care for and we want them to be happy of course.
But co-dependency is not love, it’s fear and it often manifests as control. Trying to control our loved ones, not giving them the space to grow into the people they want to become is not love. From the outside, it looks like we do it for their well-being but the truth is that we do it to create safety for ourselves. If everyone does and becomes who I want them to be and I can predict their behavior, I’m safe and I can be happy. Of course this is not something we do consciously, this is all the subconscious mind’s doing.
Inside job
The thing is this, no one can ever be responsible for our happiness and sense of safety. This is something we all need to find for ourselves in the first place. Because if we can’t recognize it in ourselves, we will never be able to recognize it elsewhere. This is an inside job, an uneasy one at first but one that has the potential to create so much clarity and abundance.
Your own lane
Stop overly focusing on strangers’ seemingly perfect lives, stop overly focusing on the happiness of those around you. Use that energy to become the person you’ve always wanted to be and create the life you always dreamed of living. And then slowly become aware of how much more calmer and happier your life will become once you decide to stay in your own lane.
Look your loved ones in the eyes and set them free. Tell them they are no longer responsible for your happiness, tell them it’s all on you. And then watch how much deeper and richer your connections will become because you have taken full responsibility of your own journey and there’s no more room for resentment. You inspire and set an example for those around you to also take responsibility of their own lives. Some of them will, some of them won’t and that’s okay, that’s no longer on you.
Biggest act of love
I know that especially for women, nothing feels worse than being called selfish and/or lazy. But staying in our own lane is not selfish and it most certainly is not lazy. It is actually the biggest act of love there is, for both yourself and the people around you. And as a consequence, to the world at large. Because can you imagine how much less inflamed the world would become if we would release this need to control others? If we would let go of judgement and resentment? If we would finally take responsibility and understand that authentic connection to others requires us to feel a connection to ourselves first. Can you imagine?
I hope this blogpost inspires and nudges you into creating a life that feels good to your heart.
Love,
Wendy
